


Lows and Highs

by PrettyTheWorld, TrueIllusion



Series: Fatherhood [4]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Family, Father-Son Relationship, Fatherhood, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Underage Drug Use, Parenthood, Post-Canon, it's just weed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 13:40:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19086187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrettyTheWorld/pseuds/PrettyTheWorld, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrueIllusion/pseuds/TrueIllusion
Summary: Gus’ lips rolled inward, a carbon copy of Brian’s signature contemplative look. “I just like…” he sighed again, more heavily this time. “I just wish I could forget about this for, like, an hour or something.”Brian made a small noise of realization that made Justin look toward him, and as soon as he registered the intention on his husband’s face, he moved closer to Brian and hissed, “No. Brian, youcan’t.”Brian gave Justin his most charming smile and said, “Oh, but Ican!”***A heartbroken Gus spends a weekend in New York with Brian and Justin. In an effort to help his son, Brian turns to a tried-and-true method.





	Lows and Highs

**Author's Note:**

> The parenting saga continues! This is our 4th Round-Robin effort, and it looks like we're not going away anytime soon. We hope you enjoy!
> 
> PS: Feedback gives us life! ;)

“So I was thinking…” Lindsay said slowly.

Brian rolled his eyes and lolled his head back, taking in the view of Manhattan that loomed beyond the floor-to-ceiling windows of his corner office. “Where have I heard this before?”

“I haven’t even said anything yet,” Lindsay protested, the hint of a laugh in her voice. 

“What does Sonny Boy need a talk about now? Condoms? Proper use of sex toys? Coitus interrup-”

“How about heartbreak?”

Brian’s face fell as he processed Lindsay’s words. “Oh shit. What happened?”

“We actually aren’t too sure,” Lindsay admitted. “He’s clearly upset, but he doesn’t want to talk to either of us about it. We were hoping maybe he’d open up to you.” 

Brian had the airline website open on his browser no more than ten seconds later. “When?”

“This weekend?”

Brian clicked around a couple times. “I can get him into LaGuardia at 7:02 or JFK at 7:38 Friday night. Do you have a preference?” 

“Whichever is easiest for you,” Lindsay said, sounding grateful and more than a little relieved. “I can have him to the airport by 4.” 

The flight confirmation popped up on Brian’s laptop screen, and a few seconds later, the full itinerary was emailed to Lindsay’s account. “He departs at 5:30.” 

“Thank you,” Lindsay said. “He’s not usually like this, so we’re not sure what’s going on. He did tell us that he and Kasey are over, but when we asked why, he shut down. I really don’t mean to put this on you--” Lindsay ignored Brian’s unconvinced snort “--but he was willing to speak more openly about his love life with you and Justin before, so… As much as I hate to admit he doesn’t want Mel or me for this, I think who he really needs is his dad.” 

Brian closed his eyes and inhaled deeply as his brain circulated Lindsay’s words. He had no clue where this assumption that he had any idea how to handle relationship advice had originated, but it was become far too frequent for his liking.

“Well, you kinda _have_ been in one for the last 17 years,” Justin teased him, pretending to sound affronted after Brian relayed the news of Gus’ impending visit and his concerns, later that night. “Ask me how I know.” 

Brian smirked knowingly at him from across the table. “I hardly think I’m the ideal candidate for such a scenario, though. Fuck knows you of all people should realize that.” 

Justin shrugged, spearing a piece of zucchini with his fork. He popped it in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully before saying, “I think we’ve done better than okay. We’ve definitely learned a lot about making things work through the years.” 

Brian still looked skeptical. “I just don’t know what wisdom Lindsay thinks _I’ll_ be able to impart in the wake of whatever teenage relationship tragedy Sonny Boy has encountered. You’ll probably be far more effective in that realm. As usual.” 

“I think you just don’t give yourself enough credit,” Justin argued, frowning. “Besides, do you honestly think I’d have stuck around this long if you were completely hopeless?”

Brian rolled his eyes, but Justin could see the softness in his expression as he registered and absorbed the indirect compliment. “And here I thought you only stuck around for my giant cock.” 

Now it was Justin’s turn to smirk. “That too.” 

*** 

Brian had a distinct feeling of deja vu as he rode in his hired car to the airport on Friday afternoon. Once again, he’d left the office early, surprising the hell out of Cynthia, who apparently took him for some sort of workaholic. Although he supposed she wasn’t wrong. When it came to his Sonny Boy, though, there was no question where Brian’s priorities were.

He’d picked up Gus from the airport a couple of times since his last impromptu weekend trip earlier that year, but this felt different. Usually, Gus was coming for happy reasons, with plans and things to look forward to, but this time, Brian really had no idea what to expect. He hadn’t talked to Gus, so all he had to go on was what Lindsay had told him -- that Gus and his girlfriend had broken up, and Gus was upset and didn’t want to talk about it with his mothers. Brian still wasn’t exactly feeling confident in his ability to dole out relationship advice, so he didn’t know how any of this was going to go, but he supposed that as long as he had Justin around to help him muddle his way through, he’d be able to manage.

It still amazed Brian how well Justin could navigate all of the complexities of being a parent to a teenager, despite only being in his mid 30s himself. It was like Justin had some sort of instinct that Brian was missing -- one that allowed him to always know exactly what to say and what to do when it came to all things Gus. To be fair, Brian felt more confident in his parenting abilities now than he had a few years before, although he still kept hoping that somehow Justin’s parenting skills would rub off on him and make things even easier. Even with all of the progress he'd made, though, there were still times when Brian felt out of his element, especially when it came to particularly difficult situations, which he seemed to be getting stuck with more often now as Gus got older.

Brian knew nothing about women or straight relationships, and his brief stint with Lindsay in college didn’t really give him any point of reference because they’d mutually decided to end things and had done so amicably, remaining friends even from the moment when they’d elected to stop trying to be something they weren’t. Other than that, the only real relationship Brian had ever been in was with Justin, although that seemed to be working out pretty well, in spite of Brian’s many insecurities and fears that he was going to fuck it all up someday. He hadn’t so far, and he knew Justin would tell him he was being ridiculous for even having that thought, but somewhere in the back of his mind, there was a nagging voice whispering in his ear, telling him that he wasn’t cut out for it. That he never had been. He knew it was the voice of his fucking father, who didn’t know shit about relationships either, and who didn’t deserve to still have any sort of power over Brian more than a decade and a half after he’d kicked the bucket. But somehow his ghost still haunted Brian sometimes, particularly in uncomfortable and unfamiliar situations like the one he was about to embark on.

As the car pulled up to the terminal, Brian shook his head in an attempt to rid himself of any and all thoughts of Jack Kinney and all of the different ways he’d fucked Brian over -- for life, it often seemed like. He pulled his coat more tightly around himself almost instinctively, insulating himself not only against the chillier-than-usual early November air, but also as protection from the vulnerability he was feeling after following his brain down the rabbit hole of anxious thoughts about fatherhood and his own self worth.

Once inside the terminal, he found the set of glass doors that divided the secure area from the lobby and leaned against the wall, pulling out his phone to check his email, just in case any emergencies had arisen since he’d left the office. Lately, that had been par for the course, and he’d spent more weekends than he would have liked working on cleaning up others’ messes. But, such was the life of owning his own company, he supposed. He glanced up at the monitors and saw that Gus’ flight had arrived a few minutes before, so he started paying more attention to the relatively steady flow of humanity emerging from the doors, standing up and slipping his phone back into his coat pocket when he saw his son amid the crowd of strangers.

Gus still had his earbuds in, and he was looking down at the ground and barely picking up his feet when he walked. His expression and his posture were not at all like what was normal for him when he came to New York. Even when he’d been sent down by his mothers to have a very uncomfortable conversation about sex, he’d at least been excited when he’d arrived. This time, though, he just looked depressed.

“Sonny Boy,” Brian said, once Gus was about ten feet away. Gus’ gaze flicked upward to make eye contact with Brian, and he gave Brian a small smile, but it still looked sad. Brian held his arms out for a hug, not sure what to expect in return from Gus because he’d never seen his son like this. He was surprised, though, when Gus wrapped his arms around him and clung for a moment, practically melting into Brian right there in the airport.

When Gus let go and pulled away, his eyes were glistening just a little, but he quickly blinked the moisture away while Brian wondered how close Gus had just come to breaking down in his arms. Brian still wasn’t good at dealing with emotional situations, although he was better now than he had been in his 20s and early 30s. Still, holding people while they cried was not his forte, and it made him more than a little bit uncomfortable.

“Did you check a bag?” Brian asked.

Gus nodded, now avoiding eye contact with Brian and apparently preferring to look down at his shoes instead. They proceeded down to baggage claim together, neither of them saying anything, while Brian wondered how on earth he was going to navigate a situation that was clearly much more delicate than he’d imagined.

By some miracle, Gus’ bag was the second one that came off the belt, so they were on their way moments later, Gus continuing to trudge along behind Brian as they walked the corridor to the area where the driver would meet them. 

“Do you want to talk about anything?” Brian asked, once they were settled in the back of the sedan and pulling out of the parking garage.

Gus shrugged then shook his head, glancing warily at Brian out of the corner of his eye. 

“Not now, or not at all?”

“Not now,” Gus murmured, the first actual words he’d spoken since arriving. 

Brian nodded. “Alright, I’ll leave it alone for now.”

“Thanks,” Gus said, his voice a little louder. “Sorry,” he added a few seconds later, seeming visibly relieved. 

“Don’t be,” Brian assured him, patting his hand. “I’m sure your mother hasn’t stopped trying to figure out what happened. We don’t have to talk about anything until you’re ready.” 

Gus looked up at Brian, his eyes again glassy with unshed tears. When Brian gave him a concerned look, he simply whispered, “I’m just really glad to be here.” 

Nearly everything about Gus’ demeanor indicated that he wasn’t glad to be anywhere right now, but it warmed Brian to hear the words, and made him determined to do what he could to help Gus through whatever he was experiencing, even if that meant giving him the opportunity to forget about it for awhile. 

“Are you hungry?” he asked, figuring that would be one telltale indication of how concerned he needed to be about his son. 

Fortunately, Gus shrugged and said, “I could eat something.” 

“Should I text Justin and ask him to meet us, or just want it to be you and your old man?” Brian asked, mentally cringing as the idiom left his mouth. But now was not the time to get caught up in the minutia of his periodic aging crisis. 

Gus shrugged again, but at least said, “You can ask Justin if you want.”

It wasn’t exactly a rousing endorsement, but it was as much approval as Brian required to send his husband a message, requesting his presence at dinner. At the very least, Brian hoped that Justin would help to normalize the environment, because even though Brian had told Gus he wouldn’t force him to talk, as long as Gus elected to maintain his current mood, the avoidance of whatever topic had brought him there was going to be palpable. 

_Sure, where?_ Justin had replied almost immediately

“What sounds good?” Brian asked Gus, hoping that his son could attempt to be decisive about food. It was the one area where Gus generally seemed able to make up his mind when he was visiting New York, almost always arriving with a laundry list of places he wanted to go.

“Uhh,” Gus said, wincing a little as if the very act of thinking was physically painful. “Chinese?”

“Done.” Brian nodded and unlocked his phone. _Tri Dim?_

_SOUP DUMPLINGS!!!_ was the response Justin sent, indicating his unequivocal agreement, followed by, _When?_

_Meet us in 30? Get a table if you can._

Justin sent a thumbs up emoji, followed by the kissy face, and that was that. 

Gus was mostly quiet for the remainder of the drive, answering the few questions Brian attempted for the sake of conversation, but mainly offering single-word responses. Brian was wavering somewhere between concerned and annoyed, though he felt a little guilty about the latter, especially considering he’d told Gus he wouldn’t force him to talk. It was just difficult for him to know what to do in a situation he couldn’t attempt to fix. Being the CEO of his own company allowed him to give orders and make effective decisions, demanding comprehensive answers when necessary. Unfortunately, being a father did not necessarily grant the same leverage. 

When they arrived at the restaurant, Justin was already seated at a table along the side wall, and he stood up to greet them, wrapping Gus in a hug before moving to Brian for a kiss. He noticed immediately that Gus was atypically withdrawn and gave Brian a look, asking with his eyes if he should be concerned. Brian shrugged and made a face back, indicating that things with Gus had not been great so far. Justin shrugged back, but his response carried an air of confidence that they’d work it out.

“So what’s everybody hungry for? I’m starving,” Justin said, opening his menu once they’d sat down, Brian to his right, and Gus across from Brian. 

“Do we want to get a few things and share?” Brian asked. The last time they’d come to the restaurant had been during another of Gus’ visits while Michael and Ben had also been in town, and family-style dining had worked well, save for Ben’s ma po tofu casserole, which everyone besides Michael had opted out of sharing. 

“I’m good with that,” Justin agreed. “Gus?”

Gus shrugged noncommittally, which Brian chose to interpret as indifference, so he and Justin chose a variety of dishes, including two orders of Justin’s beloved xiao long bao, as well as a few chicken, beef, and noodle options. 

“Can we get the crispy prawns?” Gus finally spoke up, his gaze rising from the table surface. 

“Sure,” Brian agreed easily. He tended away from oily foods, and even Justin was watching his diet more carefully these days, but if deep-fried shrimp would make his Sonny Boy happy tonight, he was all-in. Maybe things would start to look up for a little while.

Or maybe not.

Justin’s soup dumplings were the first to arrive, and he and Brian both dug in, expertly and delicately depositing the little dough parcels onto their spoons with vinegar and ginger, then coaxing out the broth. They had different consumption styles, frequently teasing each other over who did it correctly, and tonight was no exception, with Brian commenting that Justin’s broth-sucking tactic was obscene, and Justin casually tossing back, “Funny, you don’t have any complaints about my sucking any other time.” 

Gus, who typically objected to his dads’ sexual humor with resigned amusement, didn’t even flinch, instead attempting to obtain his own soup dumpling, but accidentally stabbing it in the process, sending a flow of hot broth throughout the bamboo steamer basket. “Fuck,” he muttered, immediately letting go of his chopsticks, sending them clattering to the table. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Justin said, offering him a smile. “That still happens to me sometimes.” 

Gus didn’t look remotely relieved by the admission, instead grabbing his fork and spearing the deflated dumpling, shoving it into his mouth, and completely ignoring the dribble of broth that dotted the table in its wake. 

Brian opened his mouth to say something, but Justin put a hand on his arm, indicating that it was probably a battle unwise to choose.

As the meal continued and the rest of their food arrived, attempts to get Gus talking maintained the same level of futility. And despite his earlier claim that he could eat something, and his special request for the most expensive dish they had ordered, he mainly moved things around his plate, barely making a dent in his food. 

Eventually, as Gus’s chopstick somewhat violently pierced the body of one of his untouched prawns, Brian snapped. “Are you planning to _eat_ your food, or just play with it?”

Gus looked up at him through narrowed eyes and grumbled, “I didn’t come here to be parented.”

Justin glanced over at his husband, knowing that was not what Brian needed to hear, especially on a rare occasion when Justin was pretty sure Brian was feeling more parental than usual, especially considering his usage of one of the most “Dad” lines of all-time. 

Fortunately (or not, depending on which of the younger men at the table was asked), Brian didn’t back down, instead replying, “Well, I didn’t come _here_ to spend twenty-five dollars on a family of deep-fried crustaceans so that you could pretend you’re fucking Vlad the Impaler!”

Gus’ eyes widened at his dad’s outburst, but his face quickly settled into a glare as he threw his napkin down and stood from his chair, brusquely turning toward the restroom and walking away. However, neither Brian nor Justin missed the tears in his eyes, and when Brian looked back at Justin, his expression was heavy with remorse. 

“It’s okay,” Justin said quickly, taking Brian’s hand and squeezing it. “He’s riding a roller coaster of emotions right now. It’ll be fine later.” 

Brian shrugged. “I feel like I’m the one who’s done something wrong, and I hate that. All I did was buy him a fucking plane ticket and order him the food he wanted. Last I checked, that’s not exactly punishable by law.” He paused when he noticed Justin was trying not to laugh and raised an eyebrow. “Something you’d like to share with the class, Sunshine?”

Justin gave up trying to hold himself together and laughed genuinely. “Well, you did accuse him of pretending to fuck Vlad the Impaler…”

Brian scowled. “I did not, I said that I didn’t come here to… _oh_.” 

Justin only laughed harder, and finally, Brian allowed himself to crack a smile as he realized his unintentional double entendre. “Fortunately that’s not how he heard it.” 

“It’s okay,” Justin said again. “But, for what it’s worth, my guess is Vlad probably does more of the fucking than he’d actually be getting fucked. You know, impaler and all.”

Brian snorted. “You’re ridiculous.” 

It was another ten minutes before Gus returned to the table and sat down. He muttered, “Sorry,” before dutifully finishing the majority of the food on his plate and maintained idle conversation with Justin while Brian nursed the rest of his Tsingtao and tried not to feel annoyed. 

The car ride back to the apartment was quiet, all three men lost in their own thoughts, and as soon as they arrived at home, Gus took his suitcase and headed for his bedroom, closing the door behind him. 

“You can knock,” Justin pointed out an hour later, tired of watching Brian gaze warily toward his son’s room for at least the dozenth time. “I’ve told you this before.”

Brian shrugged. “I’m not going to force him to talk if he doesn’t want to. Just a little fucking irritated that one of the first things he said to me was how happy he was to be here, yet it sure as shit doesn’t feel like it.” 

Justin patted Brian’s shoulder. “Just be patient. Besides, we don’t know what happened yet. It might be more serious than you think.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “He’s seventeen. How serious could his relationship have been?”

“Well,” Justin countered, giving Brian a pointed look. “I first fell in love with you when I was seventeen.” 

Brian opened his mouth to respond, but Justin cut him off.

“I swear to god, if the words, ‘That wasn’t love, that was fucking,’ even dare to leave your mouth, you are so sleeping on this couch tonight.” 

Brian quickly shut his mouth and mimicked zipping his lips while Justin smiled smugly then leaned over to kiss him.

When they pulled apart, Justin stood up and announced that he was going to take a shower. 

“Should I try to talk to him?” Brian asked, seeming uncertain. 

Justin reached out and took his hand, squeezing it. “Do whatever feels right.” He smiled gently, his eyes encouraging, and then turned and headed toward their bedroom. 

“Fuck,” Brian groaned quietly, glancing around the room as if something in their pristine living room would provide a clue as to how he should handle his teenage son. His eyes fell on his cell phone, which had been left sitting on the kitchen island. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he walked over and picked it up, opening a text message to Gus.

_Should we plan on seeing you before morning?_

Surprisingly, less than a minute later, the ellipses dots emerged on Gus’ side of the screen. They continued for several seconds, until finally a new message popped up. _Sry. Just need space tonite._

Brian sighed, feeling equal parts concerned and relieved. At least Gus had responded, and Brian respected that he had plainly stated what he needed -- that much, Brian could grant him. However, he wondered how much longer this self-isolation would continue. It wasn’t that money was an issue, but last-minute plane tickets were not cheap, and Brian and Justin both cherished their weekend time together, so Brian really hoped that Gus would be a little more willing to communicate sooner than later. However, he had to admit he wasn’t exactly sorry that his evening was now unlikely to involve an emotional heart-to-heart about relationship issues that had little to no basis in his own teenage reality.

By the time Brian made it into the bedroom, Justin was already out of the shower and lying under the covers on his side of the bed, reading something on his iPad. He gave Brian a questioning look, and Brian simply shook his head before going into the bathroom to take his own shower, needing some time alone with his thoughts. 

When he finally crawled into bed, Justin set his iPad on the nightstand and rolled onto his side to face him. 

“I texted him,” Brian explained. “He replied and said he needed space. Maybe tomorrow.”

Justin nodded, giving Brian’s bare shoulder a reassuring stroke. “You tried. Sometimes that’s all you can do. I’m fairly confident that this will all be fine in a day or two, though.”

Brian snorted. “Well that’s pretty much all the time he’ll be here, so let’s hope.” He paused, sighing. “Fucking Lindsay. I hate that she’s probably right about him needing to be here with us, but why don’t things like this come with a… a… fucking instruction manual or something?”

“Isn’t that the million dollar question of parenting?” Justin said, laughing lightly. He moved closer to Brian so he could wrap his arms around him, and pressed a kiss to the tip of his chin. “You don’t need a manual. Like I said. This will be okay.” 

Brian sighed again, allowing himself to relax a bit more in Justin’s arms. As he pulled his husband’s body closer and trailed his hands down Justin’s back and then even further, he realized that the younger man wasn’t wearing anything under the covers and allowed his hands to knead into the firm roundness of Justin’s ass. 

“I see you came to bed with ulterior motives,” Brian murmured, feeling his body react immediately as Justin reached into the front of his boxer briefs to stroke him. 

Justin started to laugh, but it turned into a moan of pleasure as one of Brian’s fingers slipped between his cheeks. When he regained his composure and had divested his husband of his underwear, leaving him hard and aching for more, Justin crawled onto his hands and knees, directing his backside in Brian’s direction. 

Brian moved closer to Justin, kissing his way across Justin’s shoulders and down his spine, but Justin wiggled his ass, making an impatient sound. 

“What’s your hurry?” Brian asked, though more amused and eager by his husband’s clear enthusiasm toward the prospect of being fucked. 

Justin turned to look back at Brian, a teasing gleam mixed with the arousal in his eyes. “I heard there’s an impaler in town. Get to it, Vlad.”

***

The next morning, Justin and Brian were each halfway through their second cup of coffee before Gus ever emerged from his bedroom. His hair was sticking up in every direction, and he didn’t look like he’d slept very well, despite the fact that it was almost ten o’clock.

“Morning, Sonny Boy,” Brian said, attempting to start the day off on the right foot, in hopes that it might be better than the previous evening had been.

However, Gus’ sullen mood had apparently not lifted, as his only response was a shrug, before he sank into the oversized armchair (“It’s big enough for both of us!” Justin had said, the day he’d picked it out in the furniture store) that sat across from the sofa, pulled out his phone, and immediately started scrolling through something. Brian opened his mouth to object, but Justin shot Brian a look that told him Justin had something up his sleeve.

“I got your favorite cereal,” Justin said, keeping his tone upbeat in hopes he could somehow help turn things around. After all, the way to a teenage boy’s heart was usually his stomach.

“Thanks,” Gus mumbled, without looking up from his phone.

“Would you like me to pour you a bowl, or would you rather get it yourself?” Justin asked, still being exceedingly patient.

Gus shrugged once again, and by that point, Brian had had enough of being patient and waiting for Gus to come around. He wanted some answers, and he wanted them now. He wasn’t going to yell, and he was going to try his best to be gentle, but he needed some more information, because he couldn’t deal with two more days of nonverbal, sulking Gus.

“Look, Gus, you’re welcome here anytime you want,” Brian said, trying to keep his voice even. “You know that. You don’t even need to have a reason. You can just come whenever, and we’d love to have you. But my free time is at a premium right now, and I don’t really want to spend my entire weekend trying to guess at what’s bothering you, or watching you shrug your shoulders or roll your eyes any time someone tries to engage you in conversation. The least you could do is say something when you’re spoken to, or you can do me one better and fucking tell us what’s wrong so we’ll know how to help you.” By the time Brian was finished speaking, he knew the anger and frustration he’d been trying to push down was creeping into his voice, despite his best efforts to maintain a calm tone.

Brian paused for a moment to give Gus ample time to respond, but the only thing his son did was flick his eyes away from his phone briefly to give Brian a wary look, before directing his gaze back downward toward the screen.

“Neither Justin nor I deserve to be treated this way,” Brian continued. “Now, I don’t know what this Cassie girl did to you--”

“She cheated on me, okay?!” Gus yelled, suddenly standing up and letting his phone fall to the hardwood floor. “She fucked someone else! Are you happy now?!”

Gus’ outburst had surprised Brian, to say the least, and he was still trying to recover from the new information he’d just received as well as the way it was delivered, when Gus flopped back down into the chair and started to cry. Now, Brian was thrown completely out of his comfort zone. He knew what he _should_ do, and for a split second, he wasn’t sure if he could bring himself to do it, but a light nudge from Justin pushed him off the couch and to his feet, and soon he was squeezed into the small space between Gus and the arm of the chair, pulling Gus into a hug.

Much like he had at the airport, Gus melted into Brian, only this time, there were actual tears. Brian was definitely out of his element, but at that moment, being there for his son trumped any discomfort he was feeling. Maybe he did have at least a little bit of fatherly instinct, after all. As Brian sat there holding Gus, he had a fleeting thought about how many moments like this Lindsay must have had with their son over the past seventeen years, and how many moments he’d missed out on, even though he did his best to make sure he got as much time with Gus as possible. He still didn’t quite feel qualified to be the one providing comfort, and he was still wishing that teenage boys came with an instruction manual, so he’d know what the hell to say, because right now, he was at a loss.

In his lifetime thus far, Brian had held exactly three people while they cried -- Michael, Lindsay, and Justin, in that order. And none of them had been depending on him for advice, nor had they been expecting anything other than a hug, so those experiences were no help either.

As Gus’ body shook against his, Brian glanced at Justin, trying to send a nonverbal SOS signal for Justin to somehow give him some guidance on what to do next. But Justin merely gave him an encouraging smile as he got up from the couch and walked back toward the bedroom, presumably to give them privacy.

The best Brian could figure he should do was wait it out, so he did, just holding Gus until his breath slowly returned to normal and he lifted his head, looking up at Brian with tear-filled eyes.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Gus whispered, his voice still thick with emotion. “She told me she didn’t think she was ready yet. We talked about it. But then with somebody else, she was suddenly ready?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Brian said, attempting a soothing tone of voice he hadn’t used in a long time -- he typically had no need to be reassuring people. And any time he did it at Kinnetik, it was usually sarcastic or otherwise not very sincere. But Gus clearly needed reassurance, and not of the typical Brian Kinney sardonic variety.

“But there has to be!” Gus sniffled and blinked back more tears that seemed to be threatening to fall. “Like I said, we talked about it. We agreed that we’d be upfront with each other, that we’d discuss it, and that we wouldn’t do anything until we were ready. Together.”

“That was the right thing to do. Trust me, you don’t want your first time to be before you’re ready.” The last thing Brian wanted was for his son to repeat his mistake of being so desperate to find out what sex was like that he’d let someone take advantage of him -- use him -- then hang him out to dry.

“But why did she want to do it with someone else, if she didn’t feel ready to do it with me?”

Brian sighed. He wished he knew the answer to that question, but the only person who would be able to answer it was Katie Whats-Her-Face. He knew that wasn’t her name, but he didn’t give a shit what her name was, quite frankly, because she’d made his Sonny Boy cry, so as far as Brian was concerned, she was now on his permanent shit list, under Katie Whats-Her-Face.

“Why wasn’t I good enough?” Gus said softly, inhaling a shaky breath.

Fuck if Brian didn’t know exactly how it felt to ask yourself that question, even if in a totally different context. Brian had asked himself that many times over throughout his childhood, every single time he ended up at the Novotny house with a new bruise or a split lip or even just hurt feelings. So he called on those memories of the past to guide him in what to do here, remembering what Debbie would always do. She’d hold him and tell him that he was plenty good enough -- perfect even, and exactly the way he was intended to be -- and if anyone else couldn’t see that, it was their loss. However, trying to find a way to put those sentiments into words proved to be more difficult than Brian wanted it to be.

“You are good enough,” he said, electing to go with the simplest form of reassurance. “She's the one with the problem. Not you.”

“She didn't even tell me,” Gus hiccuped. “I found out from a friend of a friend who knew we were together and overheard the guy bragging about it. How he took her virginity.”

This guy sounded like a real winner, and thinking about this Cassie chick choosing an asshole like that over Gus only served to further lower Brian's opinion of her.

“I broke up with her the next day,” Gus continued. “I just didn’t know how I could be with her after that.”

“It sounds like she wasn't who you thought she was,” Brian offered, still feeling like he was trying to find his way out of the woods in the dark with nothing but a match to light his way. So far, so good, it seemed, but there could still be booby traps, and he needed to not get caught in them.

“We'd been together for months, though, and we were friends before that. I felt like I knew her pretty well.”

Brian knew he needed to tread carefully, because he didn't want to end up inadvertently insulting Gus’ intelligence. He had to be mindful to keep the blame on Katie, and not Gus. “Sometimes, people get mixed up with the wrong crowd,” Brian said hesitantly. “And then that crowd leads them them to do things they might not otherwise.”

“I guess.” Gus shrugged, but this time it was out of pure not-knowing rather than just apathy. “It still hurts, though.”

“I know.” Brian hugged Gus again, sensing that he probably needed it.

“I'm sorry I was an asshole at dinner last night. It just… I couldn't watch you and Justin be all couple-y. It was just hard seeing how in love you two are. How easy it is. How much you care about each other.”

Huh, Brian thought to himself. He never would have considered any of his and Justin's interactions the previous night at dinner to have been “couple-y,” but, looking back, and trying to see things through Gus’ eyes, he guessed maybe they had been. Brian hadn't noticed because it just felt natural. However, he clearly remembered a time when he had been totally averse to anything even remotely couple-related. But Justin had worked on him slowly, chipping away at his walls. Gotten in under the wire, as Debbie had put it so many years ago.

“I wanted something like that too,” Gus said, breaking Brian out of his reverie.

“It'll happen. You're still young.”

Brian felt like he should say something about first loves, but he didn't really know what he could say without feeling like a hypocrite, given that Justin was the first and only person he'd ever let himself be in love with, and even that had been hard. Really hard.

“You'll know when you find the right one,” Brian said, knowing that was a tired cliche, but in this instance, he thought it was true. Clearly Cassie-Katie-whatever-her-name-was hadn't been the one, or she never would have done what she did. She would have accepted Gus as he was, and honored their agreement.

Justin was Brian’s “one” for those very reasons, and he'd known that for far longer than he'd been willing to admit it.

“I hope so,” Gus sighed.

“There's no rush. You've got lots of time. Just take this time to enjoy being single.”

Gus snorted. “I hope you're not about to tell me to go clubbing.”

Ah, yes -- Brian clearly remembered the drama that had resulted from refusing to let Gus use a fake ID to go out dancing with one of his friends on a visit a few years prior.

“Well, you _are_ older now, so I'm not sure I'd stop you,” Brian said, choosing his words carefully because being honest with his son was important to him. “But if you don't want your mother to kill you, or else ground you until the day you go off to college, I'd recommend waiting at least until you turn 18.”

“I just wish I could stop feeling so down,” Gus said, drawing the conversation back to their earlier topic. “I can't stop thinking about it.”

“Maybe we could go do something fun today. Take your mind off things.”

Gus shrugged one shoulder, looking unconvinced. “I mean, I guess we could try.” 

“Well,” Brian said, pulling his arm out from around his son. “Let’s get ready for the day, and you think about anything that might make you feel a little better. I’ll see if Justin has any ideas too.” 

“Okay.” Gus nodded. 

Brian stood from the chair and Gus followed suit. It still amazed Brian that he and his teenage son now stood practically eye-to-eye with him. It seemed even more bizarre in the aftermath of their conversation, considering Gus had rarely cried to him even as a younger, much smaller child, and certainly never over serious real-life problems. 

“I’ll even take you to that fucking toy store again if it’ll help,” Brian said, his tone teasing.

Gus managed an actual laugh. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Don’t mention it.”

“No,” Gus continued, his tone a bit more serious. “I mean, for everything.” 

Brian felt warmth bubble up in his chest as he took in his son’s genuine expression and then pulled him into another hug. “Like I said,” he murmured into Gus’ ear. “Don’t mention it.” 

***

When Brian went back into their bedroom, he could hear Justin in the shower, so he quickly slid off his sweatpants and T-shirt and padded into the bathroom naked, joining his husband in the spacious stall. 

Justin smiled when he realized Brian had joined him “How’d it go?” he asked.

Brian took over washing Justin’s hair, massaging his scalp as he recounted the conversation with Gus.

“Poor kid,” Justin lamented, leaning his head back to rid his hair of suds before turning his attention to soaping Brian’s body. 

Brian sagged into Justin’s touch, enjoying his husband’s gentle caresses, and tried to relax. “I know. I just can’t believe this fucking Katie… Cassie…”

“Kasey,” Justin supplied.

“I don’t fucking care what her name is. I just know she better watch herself if she’s going to break my Sonny Boy’s heart because she can’t keep her twat to herself.” 

“Oh stop,” Justin chided. “You know you’d never do anything to her. They’re teenagers. Yes, she’s a heinous bitch, and deserves a life wholly absent of joy, but we don’t want to hurt her.”

Brian laughed, pulling Justin close so he could press a kiss to the top of his head. “I can agree with that.” 

As soon as Brian and Justin were ready, they headed back to the kitchen and found Gus back in the oversized chair, staring absently at the television.

“A little young for anti-aging products, aren’t we?” Brian asked, raising an eyebrow and looking from the screen to his son.

Gus looked up, as if suddenly breaking out of a trance. “Huh? Oh,” he said, realizing that the channel was set to QVC. “I guess I was just flipping and kind of zoned out. I’m tired.” 

“At least you didn’t say you were looking for your dad’s birthday gift,” Justin teased, causing Gus to smirk and Brian to scowl. 

“So any ideas for today?” Brian asked, changing the subject to something more pleasant to think about than his rapidly approaching descent into his quinquagenarian years. 

“Is it too late to see a show, maybe?” Gus suggested hesitantly. 

“A Broadway show?” Brian asked, trying to keep his tone neutral. For as much as he enjoyed about New York City and living in Manhattan, “The Great White Way” was not among his most-loved locales, and up to this point, he’d been grateful to mostly avoid it during Gus’ visits, leaving it to others in their family to indulge his son when necessary. 

“I mean… we don’t have to,” Gus said quickly, accurately gauging Brian’s temperature despite the older man’s best intentions. 

Brian shook his head. “No, it’s fine. We’ll do whatever you want. I just need to know what you have in mind so I know who to contact.” 

“Did you have a show you wanted to see?” Justin jumped into the conversation, much more enthusiastic about the prospect. Because of Brian’s feelings toward Broadway shows, it was something he didn’t do all that often either, though he had much more of an affinity for the theatre. 

“Something funny,” Gus decided, though didn’t offer any additional specifics. 

Brian nodded, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket and tapping someone in his contacts, then put the phone on speaker.

“Hey Bri, what’s going on?” Ted answered almost immediately. “How’s Gus?”

“He’s right here, as is Justin,” Brian replied, and both of the others briefly greeted Ted as well.

“What are you guys up to today?” Ted asked pleasantly. 

“Sonny Boy is interested in heading down to 42nd Street for a lighthearted matinee. Any recommendations?”

“Oh!” Ted exclaimed, his interest instantly piqued, before launching into a five-minute description of his top choices and accompanying rationale.

“How about your top two, Theodore?” Brian finally cut him off, realizing that all three of them, Justin included, had slightly glazed over expressions. 

“Sure, sure,” Ted said agreeably. “I’d recommend either _Book of Mormon_ if you’re looking for a crowd-pleaser that’s slightly more current and don’t mind profanity--”

Brian snorted.

“--or _Something Rotten_ , if you’d like something a bit more lighthearted with a historical, Shakespearean twist.” 

“What do you think?” Brian asked, directing the question at Gus. 

“ _Book of Mormon_ ,” Gus decided, the first bit of excitement registering, albeit vaguely, in his features. “My friend Brad said it’s funny as shit.” 

Justin nodded in agreement, looking pleased as well, so Brian shrugged. “ _Book of Mormon_ it is.” 

“Great choice!” Ted enthused. “And actually, a friend of Blake’s is one of the stage managers, so if you give me about an hour, I’ll see if I can get you tickets for the two-thirty matinee.”

“You’ve always been my favorite CFO,” Brian said, genuine fondness tucked within his sarcasm.

“Thanks, Ted!” Justin added, with Gus echoing the sentiment before they hung up. 

A few hours later, Brian found himself sitting in between Gus and Justin at the Eugene O’Neill theatre, both of them quite a bit more excited to see the play than Brian was. Theatre simply wasn’t Brian’s cup of tea -- certainly not the way it was for Ted -- but if it would make Gus happy, Brian would do it. (And if Gus ever doubted how much his old man loved him, he need look no further than the fact that Brian was currently sitting next to him in a Broadway theatre.)

The play seemed to have its intended effect on Gus, as he was smiling and laughing before they were even a few minutes into the first act, and pretty much didn’t stop from that point on. Justin loved it as well, just as Brian figured he would, since he was a fan of _South Park_ , a show that Brian never quite understood the popularity of. (And although Justin used his interest in animation as an excuse, Brian didn’t really think _South Park_ was much of an example of high quality animation, so he had a feeling the show’s primary appeal for Justin was no different than anyone else -- lowbrow humor.) Lowbrow humor aside, Brian even enjoyed the play much more than he thought he would, though he definitely wasn’t going to join Gus in his impromptu reprise of “Hasa Diga Eebowai” as they walked out of the theatre and onto 49th Street.

Watching his son as he belted out the lyrics to the highly inappropriate tune, Brian felt oddly proud that his son was following in his footsteps of being anything but the proper little church boy that his own mother had wanted so desperately for him to be. And he thought that maybe they were out of the woods as far as Gus’ mood went.

But not too long after the show, things took another dark turn.

They grabbed dinner at a little Italian restaurant that was off the beaten path and surprisingly cheap-but-good, with live piano to boot -- a classy addition, Brian thought. But therein lay the problem, when the pianist seemed to only want to play love songs. She singlehandedly managed to take Gus from smiling and humming along to the _Book of Mormon_ soundtrack back to looking depressed and like he suddenly no longer had much of an appetite. He was more talkative than he had been the previous night, but he still wasn’t himself.

“Everything all right, Sonny Boy?” Brian asked as he watched Gus idly push the same meatball across his plate for the third time.

“Yeah,” Gus sighed, his tone belying his words. “I’m okay. I just wish I could ‘Turn It Off,’ you know?”

His reference to the play was surprisingly not lost on Brian, who had shared more than a few knowing smirks with Justin during that tune, because it reminded Brian of the way his mother always told him he just needed to “be strong” and “harden himself” so he could somehow not be gay.

“Well, Sonny Boy, unfortunately life isn’t like a light switch. You can’t just turn your feelings off.”

Brian knew those words were a laugh coming from him, since that was exactly what his old “pain management” methods were intended to do. Not that they always had the desired effect -- he could recall some very specific examples from the time period after Justin’s prom when they had seemed to be doing the opposite of what Brian wanted -- but most of the time, he’d found he could at least take the edge off with a bump or two, or a shot of whiskey, or some hard-and-fast sex with a random trick. Gus, however, wasn’t really acquainted with Brian’s old ways, since he’d still been fairly young when Brian gave up tricking for good, and, these days, Brian had much less need to get intentionally drunk or sample the disco-pharmacological alphabet, especially in front of his son.

“I know I can’t,” Gus said dejectedly, still pushing the meatball around his plate. “I’m just tired of feeling like shit. I feel like everything reminds me of her.”

“I know how you feel,” Justin said, reaching across the table to lay his right hand over Gus’ left, which lay idle on the table. “But it does get better. I promise. Time helps.”

“She tried to apologize,” Gus snorted. “Said she hadn’t meant for it to happen or some shit. But I told her there was literally nothing she could say or do to fix this. So I broke up with her. I should be okay, right? I mean, I’m the one who did the breaking.”

“She betrayed your trust,” Justin said. “It’s okay to feel sad and disappointed about that.”

Again, Brian was impressed with Justin’s easy parenting, and his ability to always know the exact right thing to say.

“I guess.” Gus shrugged. “It just sucks. Now I feel like I’m just bringing you guys down, and wasting your time.”

“You’re not,” Brian jumped in, now more than a little bit sorry for what he’d said at breakfast about his time being at a premium, because he’d never intended to make Gus feel guilty for being there. “We love you, and we want to help you.”

The trouble was, he wasn’t sure exactly how to help.

“I know,” Gus said, attempting to offer his dad a smile, as an expression of his gratitude. “I just keep going back to when I found out about everything, and it just… I feel so _angry_.” He stabbed the meatball for emphasis, leaving his fork upright as he let it go to continue talking. “Then my one friend, he was just like, ‘Dude, now you know she’ll put out for you. Take advantage of that shit, eh?’ But like… I don’t want that. I still don’t think I’m ready for sex, especially not with her, but even if I were, all I’d be able to think about is him being there first and what that was like, and…” He stopped talking, his eyes slipping closed as he shuddered a little at the thought.

“It’s okay,” Justin repeated, “to feel anything you need to feel. Kasey was your first serious relationship, right? It’s not easy to see or hear about someone you care about being intimate with someone else. It fucking hurts.” 

Brian carefully averted his gaze at that point, wondering if Justin was speaking from his own experience, in the early years of their then-non-relationship. (Though Brian realized now that it had _totally_ been a relationship back then, and the only one in the dark about it had been him). He’d made Justin have to watch him with dozens, if not hundreds of other guys over the years without any real consideration for how it made him feel. To be fair, though, he'd seen or known about Justin fucking plenty of other guys too, and the only one that had truly caused him anything he dared to label as close to anguish was the fiddler. And fortunately, that had been relatively short-lived in the grand scheme of things. 

Gus nodded, as if Justin held the key to something big, and Brian figured he probably did. Obviously the relationship talk resonated much more closely between the two of them than it did with him. It was way too complicated, in his opinion. That was why he’d committed himself to a lifetime of fucking random tricks, or so he’d planned until Justin came along and changed everything. Not that Brian was complaining now. 

“I just can’t believe she thought I’d want her back after that,” Gus muttered, finally taking his fork and breaking into the meatball, then shoving half of it into his mouth. 

Justin shrugged. “If you had taken her back, that would’ve been okay too. When things like this happen, you just have to listen to yourself and do what feels right. If you knew you wouldn’t be able to trust her again, then you made the right decision, because without trust, there’s not really any foundation for a relationship to exist.” 

Gus took a noisy slurp from his glass of Coke and then gave both of them an inquisitive look. “Can I ask... “

Justin opened his mouth to respond, but Brian beat him to it. “Ask us anything.” He wasn’t a huge fan of candor with his son when it came to discussing what he suspected would involve his sex life beyond Justin, but if it helped in the long run, it was the least he could do. 

“I mean… Dad, I know a long time ago, you… kinda… slept with a lot of people, even though you were also kinda with Justin--” Gus began hesitantly.

“I did that too,” Justin offered, and Brian could have kissed him for leveling the playing field and making him feel a little less awkward.

Gus nodded, entirely nonplussed by the revelation. “So, like… why wasn’t that a problem? I mean, you’re still together now, obviously, and I’m pretty sure you only have sex with each other--”

Both Brian and Justin nodded their affirmation, and Justin reached to take Brian’s hand under the table, seemingly understanding how uncomfortable this conversation was for him. 

“Did you just not care? Or…”

Justin took the lead in answering, deepening the debt of gratitude Brian felt he already owed him on the evening. “Honestly, Gus, I think it goes back to what I just said: trust. Your dad never pretended to be something or someone he wasn’t with me. He was completely up front about what he was looking for and what I could expect if I wanted to be with him, and I accepted that. And once things got a little more serious, we added some rules to anything we did with other people.” He paused, glancing at Brian, and squeezing his hand discreetly. “And your dad was fastidious about following them.” 

Gus’ eyes widened. “But you weren’t?”

“I mostly was,” Justin replied. “But I fucked up a couple times too. I was lucky that your dad was willing to forgive me.” 

Gus turned his gaze to Brian. “Why did you, Dad?”

Brian cleared his throat and gave Gus an earnest look, squeezing Justin’s hand back. “Sometimes you just need to know when a person is worth holding onto.”

After they finished their meals, Gus was easily persuaded into sharing a piece of triple chocolate cake with Justin while Brian sipped a limoncello, and their conversation continued. There was no clear resolution because none of them could accurately speak to what had prompted Kasey to do what she did, but it certainly wasn’t for lack of trying on Gus’ part. 

By the time they got back home, Gus was still seeming a bit dejected, now starting to verge on downright mopey again. 

“Turn it off!” Brian whispered to Justin as their son wandered toward his bedroom. However, he left the door open behind him, so Brian figured it wasn’t his indirect way of saying goodnight. 

Justin snickered. “Be nice.” 

Brian held his hands up in surrender and opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when Gus trudged back in and sighed. 

“What do you need?” Justin asked.

Gus’ lips rolled inward, a carbon copy of Brian’s signature contemplative look. “I just like…” he sighed again, more heavily this time. “I just wish I could forget about this for, like, an hour or something.” 

Brian made a small noise of realization that made Justin look toward him, and as soon as he registered the intention on his husband’s face, he moved closer to Brian and hissed, “No. Brian, you _can’t_.” 

Brian gave Justin his most charming smile and said, “Oh, but I _can_!”

“Lindsay will rip your balls off if she finds out.” 

Brian shrugged innocently. “Who’s going to tell her? You?” With that, he smacked a loud kiss to Justin’s temple, and then headed into their bedroom. 

Justin just closed his eyes and shook his head, realizing this was an argument he was clearly not going to win. 

Gus, meanwhile, was looking between Justin and his dads’ bedroom door, his expression of despair now exchanged for one of utter confusion. “What just happened?”

“What happened, Sonny Boy,” Brian said, emerging from the room with something in his hand, “is that we are going to introduce an exercise in ‘forgetting.’ Now, follow me.” 

Gus and Justin both followed Brian out onto their large balcony. The benefit of having a penthouse apartment in Manhattan was easily the view, so the city lights stretched out into the distance, with no one above or to either side of them, granting unobstructed privacy. Gus found himself momentarily distracted by the sight before him, until he realized what his dad had been concealing in his hand as the soft glow of the lighter caught his attention and the resulting slightly sweet and earthy smell reached his nose. 

“No shit!”

“You don’t have to try it if you don’t want to,” Justin said quickly, his arms wrapped around his body for protection against the early November chill. 

Gus gave Justin a look that was akin to, “Are you seriously even talking right now?” before turning back to his dad and taking in the lit joint in his hand. “Can I try?” 

“Be my guest,” Brian said, carefully handing the roll to his son, his eyes gleaming with something like pride. There weren’t many “firsts” in Gus’ life that he’d been privy to, live and in person, and this was a bit unorthodox, he had to admit, but at least he knew his son would be safe for his first experience, and it wasn’t like there was any way Gus was going to get hurt under his and Justin’s careful supervision. Besides, this strain was far more likely to knock Gus out for a couple hours than it was to get him stoned out of his mind, but Brian figured it would be enough to give him a little reprieve from his previous thoughts, and a more positive note to end the night. 

Gus peered at the joint, examining it as if he’d never seen one before; in all likelihood, he probably hadn’t. He was about to open his mouth when Brian held up a hand to pause him. 

“One thing before you get started,” he began, giving Gus a measured look. “We do not mention--”

“She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,” Justin supplied and smirked, causing Gus to laugh.

Brian rolled his eyes and then continued, “--for the remainder of tonight. The topic is closed, and we will now focus on getting fucked up and forgetting that anything bad in the world exists. You ready?”

Gus nodded. “Ready.” 

Brian watched carefully as Gus gingerly placed the joint between his lips and inhaled gently -- and then immediately doubled over, coughing. Justin stepped forward and quickly took the joint before he dropped it or accidentally burned himself. 

“Are you okay?” Brian asked, gently rubbing Gus between his shoulder blades as he continued to cough. “Jesus Christ, haven’t you at least tried smoking a cigarette before?”

Gus glanced over at Brian with watery eyes, his cough subsiding slightly, and shook his head. 

“Well fuck, you’re a better man than I was at younger than that age,” Brian murmured. 

Gus had mostly recovered by that point, now just trying to catch his breath, but Brian decided a change of plans was in order and said as much to the two younger men. 

Justin stubbed out the lit joint and handed it back to Brian before they all walked back inside and Brian disappeared into the bedroom again while Justin got Gus a glass of water. 

When Brian emerged, he had something else in his hand -- a sleek black cylinder. “We’ll try this instead,” he announced, holding up a stylish vape pen. “Think you can handle it?”

“I’ll try,” Gus said, determined to catch at least some kind of high before the night was over. 

“Alright,” Brian said, handing the pen to his son. “I’ll give you a little more instruction. It’s a lot smoother, so I think you’ll have an easier time.” 

“The cold air probably wasn’t helping either,” Justin pointed out, then turned to Gus. “I refuse to let your dad smoke pot in the house. That’s why we switched to the vapes.” 

“Okay,” Brian continued. “Put the vape in your mouth and when you take your first hit, go slow, and only take about half of what you feel the length of a normal breath would be, then for the rest of that breath, just breathe in clean air. You want to get it down into your lungs, or it won’t really have any effect.”

Gus nodded, concentration evident on his face, and he inhaled delicately from the pen, continuing to follow Brian’s instructions. A second later, he gently blew out a small stream of blueberry-scented vapor and only needed to clear his throat.

“Wow. This one actually tastes good too,” he commented, his voice still a little raspy from his first attempt at smoking. “Should I do another one?”

“No,” Brian said, taking the pen from him and handing it to Justin. “Give it a few. If you don’t feel anything in about ten minutes, you can take another.” 

Justin took a deep drag off the pen and blew out his own vapor stream, and then passed it to Brian who followed suit.

They sat around the living room and chatted while Brian and Justin both attempted to employ discretion as they carefully watched Gus for any signs of a developing high. After almost exactly ten minutes, Gus glanced over at Brian and said, “I still feel fine.” 

Brian shrugged and handed the pen over again, watching as Gus took another toke, this time longer, and then passed the pen back to his dad. 

This time, within about five minutes, Gus’ posture started to change, and his face eased into a lazy smile. “Oh yeah. I feel it now.” 

“You alright?” Justin asked. Neither he nor Brian were feeling any residual effects so far, but that was far more typical for them, as more experienced users. 

“I’m feeling fucking _fantastic_ ,” Gus said, settling back into the sofa cushions. 

Justin stifled a laugh, while Brian just smiled and said, "Now that, Sonny Boy, is pain management." 

Gus let out a contented sigh and giggled. "This shit's pretty good."

Brian let Gus take one more small hit, making it clear that it would be his last for the evening, before taking a long drag himself and offering the vape to Justin, who declined, saying he’d have more later. 

They continued to chat idly, mainly concerning Gus’ sudden interest in brunch the next morning. Brian wasn’t surprised, as the particular strain he’d chosen to share with his son _did_ have a tendency to trigger the munchies, but before Gus could go in search of Funyuns or Cheetos, his eyelids started getting heavier, and he was close to falling asleep right there on the couch.

"Why don't you go to bed?" Brian suggested, still wanting to be responsible about this, despite the fact that most of his parenting decisions that evening would not get him nominated for any fatherhood awards anytime soon. But, truthfully, he simply hoped the weed would help Gus get some peaceful slumber, since it was obvious he hadn't gotten much the night before.

Gus blinked his eyes open a little wider and stretched. "Yeah," he said lazily. "I think that's probably a good idea." He turned toward Brian and wrapped his arms around him, whispering a small, "Thanks, Dad," in Brian's ear.

"Anytime, Sonny Boy," Brian replied, hugging him back. "Well, maybe not _any_ time, but… you get it."

Gus nodded in understanding, though he looked like he was about to nod off completely. "Love you," he said.

Brian still loved hearing his son say those words, and he vividly remembered the first time he'd heard them. They might have been prompted by Lindsay at that time, but they'd still warmed Brian's heart and made him feel something he wasn't sure he'd ever felt before, the closest he'd come being the first time he'd held his son in Lindsay's hospital room, more than 17 years ago. Now, hearing them by Gus’ own volition made them mean even more.

"Love you too," he replied, drawing himself out of his memories for long enough to respond before Gus hugged Justin and left the room.

Once Gus’ bedroom door closed, Justin took the vape from Brian, taking a hit, then blowing out more vapor. “You’d better hope he never accidentally tells Lindsay about any of this,” he said, turning around so he could lie down next to Brian on the sofa, with his head in Brian’s lap.

“It’s not like I gave him heroin,” Brian shrugged, taking the vape back and drawing in a long toke. “He didn’t even get that high. I was going for relaxed and sleepy. To help him forget for a little while.”

“Mission accomplished, I think. I’ll be surprised if he remembers to brush his teeth before he falls into bed and passes out.”

Brian chuckled. “Sonny Boy’ll be lucky if he makes it _to_ the bed before he conks out.” 

“Gimme one more, and I’ll be good,” Justin decided, gesturing for Brian to give the pen to him one last time. After he took a hit, he leaned up a little further and gestured for Brian to lean down. Brian realized what he wanted immediately and smiled before joining their lips, allowing Justin to shotgun into his mouth. He inhaled deeply, feeling the sweet vapor fill his lungs, then kissed Justin in earnest, tasting the lingering blueberry flavor in his mouth. 

“Been awhile since we’ve done that,” Brian mused, as Justin’s head settled back into his lap. His fingers found their way into Justin’s hair, as if they were somehow drawn there by magnetism. Justin’s hair was much finer than his own, and he’d always enjoyed running his fingers through it. In a way, he guessed he found it comforting, though he couldn’t exactly put his finger on why.

“Thought I’d bring it back, for old time’s sake.” Justin grinned and let out a long breath, and Brian could feel his husband’s body relax against his own.

“It’s a wonder you didn’t turn out to be a delinquent, hanging out with me in your formative years,” Brian laughed.

“Well, I did learn a few things from you…” Justin smiled. “Like how best to mix alcohol and illegal drugs to avoid waking up with a hangover. How to give a fucking fantastic blowjob. How to let a trick down easy when they’re getting too attached.”

Brian snorted. “And yet somehow, here you are, seventeen years later.”

“I’m sure at least one of the aforementioned skills didn’t hurt my chances,” Justin teased. “And besides. You know you love me.” His eyes slipped closed, though not to sleep, but just to relax and enjoy the feeling of being with his husband.

“I just don’t get it,” Brian said, taking one final hit off the vape before setting it aside, freeing up his right hand to join the left in carding through Justin’s hair.

“Get what?” Justin blinked his eyes open, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looked up at Brian. “Why I love you? Don’t tell me I have to convince you again, after all these years.”

“No, no… not that. I mean, with Gus. He’s seventeen. Can’t he just get a new girlfriend and move on?”

“Not everyone is like you were at that age. Remember, I was seventeen when I met you. We just talked about this.”

Looking back now, Brian could see now that he’d probably known there was something different about Justin from the beginning. Even as he’d stood in the street telling Justin that he didn’t believe in love, only fucking, he’d felt as much like he was reminding himself as he was trying to convince the teenage boy who’d stood in front of him with tears in his eyes. And as Brian had watched Justin drive away, he’d actually felt a little bit guilty for breaking his heart like that, but that hadn’t stopped him. His fear of the unknown -- and getting hurt if he dared to enter it -- had been stronger.

Until Justin, Brian had never been in any sort of relationship, because he’d never allowed himself to be. He’d never let himself get too involved -- he took what he wanted, one time only, and he moved on. And hell, he certainly hadn’t gone along willingly with Justin, yet he’d ultimately felt powerless to stop it.

“Not everyone can just let go,” Justin continued. “Some of us get attached. I mean, how would you feel if I went out and fucked someone else?”

“You did,” Brian snorted again. “Several times, if I recall correctly.”

“Not back then. I mean now. How would you feel if I got up and walked out that door and went to the club and fucked some random guy in the back room?”

Brian wasn’t quite sure how to answer that question -- at least not honestly -- without feeling like the world’s biggest hypocrite, given his past and how he’d behaved through the first few years of his and Justin’s relationship. Although Justin wasn’t exactly innocent either. As he’d told Gus earlier, he’d done his fair share of tricking in his younger years, but he’d still done a lot less than Brian, who had been known to have sex more than once in the same day, with a handful of different people. Justin was more of an “every once in a while, usually when pissed off at Brian” sort of guy when it came to tricking. With one notable exception -- Ethan Gold.

Not that Ethan was a trick, because he wasn’t. Not at all. The tricks, Brian could deal with. It wasn’t easy to watch, but he knew it wasn’t “real.” They were just tricks. Ethan had been different, because that was a relationship. That was someone else supplying Justin with something Brian felt like he couldn’t deliver, and even though Brian would have never admitted it at the time, it hurt like hell.

But if it happened now, how would he feel? The thoughts that were running through his head almost felt like they didn’t belong to him -- they weren’t something he’d considered at all. Maybe he felt like he didn’t have to, because the scenario wasn’t very likely to happen. But the first word that came to mind was “devastated.” Still, he couldn’t quite bring himself to vocalize it that way, though he wasn’t sure why. Old habits, maybe.

“I’d be pretty upset,” he said, knowing full-well that “upset” was not a strong enough word to describe how he’d feel. But at the same time, given what he’d done for so many years, he wasn’t sure he had much of a right to be upset, much less anything else.

“There you go,” Justin said. “Some of us just get there sooner than others.”

“I was there before now.” Brian’s voice was quiet and pensive, and as Justin looked up at him, he wondered if Brian had even meant to say that out loud, or if it was more the cannabis talking than anything.

“What do you mean?”

“When you left me for Ethan. That...” Brian let his voice trail off for a moment and took a breath before continuing. “It hurt. I mean, I tried to do everything you needed me to do -- to reassure you or whatever, to show you that you were going to be okay, and that I wasn’t just letting you stay with me out of guilt or some shit. But it was never fucking enough. I knew you were sneaking around, and I knew it was the same guy, even before Michael told me he saw you kissing him and I figured everything out. Then you kissed him at the Rage launch party, and I knew you’d made your decision. Not that I was surprised, because hell, I’m damaged goods--”

“Brian, you’re not.” Justin interrupted him, reaching up and taking hold of one of Brian’s hands.

“I was back then.”

“You weren’t back then, either.”

“I wasn’t good enough for you. You deserved better than me. I just wanted you to be happy, and it seemed like he made you happy. That was all I’d ever wanted for you, so I let you go. Losing you that way hurt, but it was better than the alternative, and I’d already come way too close to once already. I couldn’t let being with me hurt you again.” Brian paused and swallowed, pushing down the unwanted emotions that were welling up inside him. “So I let you go. It wasn’t easy to do, but I did it. I didn’t have a choice.”

“I’m sorry that I made you have to.”

“Don’t be. It… showed me some things. Like how much you meant to me. Though, as usual, I was too late, and too fucking scared to own up to how I really felt. I hoped you’d come back, but I didn’t really think you would.”

Brian wasn’t sure why he was saying all of these things. They weren’t things he’d ever intended to share with Justin at all, because it sort of felt like water under the bridge at this point, now that they’d been married and exclusive with each other for so many years. He’d never intended to say this much, and he wondered if it was still just the weed talking, but before he could stop himself, he was going for broke.

“I followed all of the rules, even after you left,” he said, his voice still so soft he didn’t even sound like himself. “I didn’t kiss anyone else. No names, no numbers, no repeats. I don’t know why. I guess I thought maybe if I kept doing that, you might come back. It was like I didn’t want to let you go. I couldn’t let you go, even though I was trying.”

“I never knew that,” Justin said quietly, still looking up at Brian, although Brian wasn’t making eye contact with him -- he was looking straight ahead as he spoke, almost like he was lost in the memory. “About the rules. I guess I just figured you threw them out the window the moment I left and you didn’t have to follow them anymore.”

Brian shook his head. “I ended up hiring a hustler who looked like you, just so I could fucking… pretend. I didn’t kiss him either. I couldn’t even fuck him face to face, because he wasn’t you. But he was blond, and he had your body type, and if I concentrated hard enough in the moment, I could pretend. And I did. I pretended he was you, and I fucked him, and I felt so goddamned empty inside when I was done. Because he wasn’t you. That was when I knew I’d fucked up when I let you go. But if Ethan made you happy, I’d deal with it. I guessed I was really just getting what I’d deserved all along.”

“You didn’t deserve that.” Justin sat up, so he could look Brian in the eye. “You didn’t deserve what I did to you. And sometimes I wish I could take it all back and not lose that time we could have been together. But at the same time, I wonder how things would be different if it hadn’t happened, you know? I’m not sure we’d be where we are now.”

“You didn’t do it to me. We both had blame. And I know back then I wished there was something I could do to change it… go back in time and sit down and drink the wine and eat the cheese on the fucking floor and buy the flowers and do the romantic shit you wanted, but I was so fucking scared of getting hurt that I couldn’t let myself do it. And then I got hurt anyway.”

“Brian, I’m sorry.” Justin studied his husband’s hazel eyes, which had a glassy sheen as they gazed into his own blue ones. “I didn’t do it to hurt you. It just… happened.”

“Like I said, I kind of deserved it. I wasn’t exactly a model boyfriend.”

“I knew what I was getting into, though. I knew who you were." Justin paused and laid back down. "I should have never expected you to be anything other than yourself. I shouldn’t have been trying to change you.”

“You already had.”

In that moment, Brian realized why it had hurt so much all those years ago to watch Justin leave the party with Ethan -- he’d already been changing, but Justin hadn’t seen it or acknowledged it. And maybe that was what hurt the most.

And now, more than ten years into their marriage, Brian felt like a totally different person. He had feelings he would have never imagined he’d be able to let himself feel. He’d committed himself to one person, and he had no hesitation about doing that at all. In fact, he’d wanted to do it. Maybe because, on some level, he knew that not only did he not want to be with anyone else, but he couldn’t bear to watch Justin be with anyone else either, because he loved him too much.

Justin smiled a little sadly. “I still feel like I want to apologize to you, even though it’s like, what… over fifteen years later? I just… I guess I never really knew a lot of how you felt back then.”

“No one did,” Brian admitted. “It was intentional.”

Justin shook his head firmly, his ears tapping off of Brian’s thigh. “But I _should_ have.”

Brian steadied Justin’s head, resuming the caress of his hair, almost as if in an effort to soothe things over. “I never had any intention of getting into this tonight.” He paused, snorting. “Fucking pot. This is why we don’t make a habit of talking about serious things when we’re smoking.” 

“I’m not sorry about that part,” Justin admitted, turning his head so he could look up into Brian’s eyes. “It’s given me new perspective, which is funny to say so many years later, but it’s almost like, as Gus is going through new experiences, it takes us back to some of what we’ve been through in various capacities, that we never really talked about. I don’t think that’s a bad thing.” 

Brian shrugged noncommittally, not entirely sure that he agreed, but what’s done was done at that point, and Justin seemed pleased with the outcome, so he didn’t entirely regret the unintended honesty hour that had resulted from his reduced inhibitions. 

“If nothing else,” Justin continued thoughtfully, lacing his hand through the one of Brian’s that wasn’t working its way through his hair, “it shows how much we’ve grown together, from back then to where we are now. I love that.” He punctuated his statement by pulling Brian’s hand to his mouth and pressing a tender kiss against his knuckles. 

“True,” Brian conceded, realizing that Justin was right, and despite what thirty-year-old Brian Kinney might have thought of where his life ended up, Brian was fucking proud of who he was and the relationship he and Justin had cultivated. And if that was the example they were able to provide for his son, as Gus began to navigate the uncertain waters of dating and relationships, Brian knew he didn’t have anything to feel bad about.

When he told Justin as much, Justin had pulled himself out of Brian’s lap and into a sitting position so that he could kiss him deeply, cupping a hand around Brian’s face as their lips tangled together. 

“Take me to bed,” Justin whispered when they separated. He stood and held out a hand for Brian to take.

Brian smiled, certainly not in a position to refuse an offer like that, and allowed himself to be pulled upright. He felt a little hazy from his lingering high, but more relaxed than anything. 

“One thing first,” he said, knowing there was something he needed to do before he and Justin retired to their bedroom for the rest of the night. Justin gave him a knowing smile, and together, they tiptoed over to Gus’ door and carefully peeked into his bedroom, not wanting to risk waking him. 

When the light from the doorway extended far enough to illuminate Gus’ lanky figure, both Brian and Justin had to stifle laughs. Gus hadn’t even made it completely onto the bed, and had fallen sound asleep with his knees on the ground, and his top half on the mattress, his head resting on his folded hands. He was still fully dressed in his clothing from the day. 

“He looks like he fell asleep praying,” Justin commented, his eyes alight with amusement. 

Brian snorted. “If it were anyone else’s kid, I might believe that.” 

“Should we fix him?” Justin asked. “Even if we wake him up, I think he’d fall right back to sleep.” 

Brian nodded. “Yeah, but hang on.” As Justin watched questioningly, Brian quickly turned on the overhead light long enough to pull his phone out of his pocket and snap a picture of Gus’s semi-prone form. “Sonny Boy’s first high,” he murmured fondly to himself, saving the photo and then flipping the light switch back down to restore darkness. 

“If you can pick him up, I’ll pull down his covers,” Justin decided, and Brian gave a nod of agreement, carefully moving to lift his son enough so that Justin could ease the blankets out from under him, then together, they positioned Gus properly on the bed. Justin insisted on removing Gus’ shoes, at the very least, and as he was in the process of pulling them off, Gus stirred slightly.

“You’re in bed now,” Brian told him quietly. “Get comfortable and sleep in as long as you want tomorrow.” 

Gus mumbled something that might have been an affirmation, but neither Brian nor Justin wanted to risk waking him further, so Brian simply pulled the blankets over him and then the two left his bedroom, headed for their own.

“That’ll probably be the best sleep he’s had in a week,” Justin commented once he was able to resume speaking at a normal volume. 

Brian nodded, his gaze fixed on his husband as he watched him disrobe, his movements a little sluggish and heavy from the effects of the weed. Once Justin was down to his briefs, he crawled onto the bed, motioning for Brian to join him, which Brian did once he’d attained a similar state of undress. 

“Are you tired?” he asked, pulling Justin’s body closer.

“Mmm,” was the only response Justin offered before tilting his face up to Brian’s for a kiss-turned-full-fledged-makeout-session that grew more intense as their arousal increased. 

“I’m a little more high than I thought,” Justin admitted with a small laugh, when they pulled apart.

“We don’t have to do anything tonight,” Brian told him, his hands tracing gentle patterns along the soft skin of Justin’s back. 

“No, no,” Justin murmured. “I want to. I want _you_. I just… I need you to..” he trailed off, unable to properly articulate his thoughts. 

Brian leaned in to kiss Justin again before gently maneuvering him to his other side so that Brian could spoon his body. “I’ve got you,” Brian murmured, peppering kisses down Justin’s neck and along the ridge of his shoulder as his hands worked to remove both of them of their underwear. 

Justin was pliant and receptive in Brian’s arms, moaning appropriately at every touch, leaning back so they could kiss languidly as Brian carefully prepared and then entered him from behind, rocking gently as their bodies connected, touching practically from head to toe. 

“So good,” Justin murmured, his hand reaching back to grasp Brian’s thigh, encouraging him to thrust deeper. 

As Brian’s body continued to cradle Justin’s, filling him, Brian placed gentle caresses and kisses anywhere he could reach that he thought would bring Justin pleasure. When they finally came, it was practically in unison, and Justin leaned back again, kissing Brian through the aftershocks like their lives depended on it. 

Eventually, Brian forced himself to crawl out of bed long enough to get a washcloth to clean them up, and when that was done, he wrapped himself around Justin again, this time under the covers. 

“Thank you,” Justin murmured, turning so that his body was facing Brian’s. His voice was heavy with sleep, still carrying the slight slur from his high. “That was amazing.”

“You’re amazing,” Brian replied, kissing the tip of Justin’s nose, and then his lips. And he meant it. Justin was truly the most incredible person Brian knew, and he had seventeen-years-worth of evidence to prove it. Their conversation that night, unintended as it had been, only served to strengthen Brian’s feelings on the matter. And the way their night had ended, with Brian moving inside Justin, like they had done literally thousands of times before, still provided Brian with more fulfillment than anything -- or anyone -- else he could imagine. And the truth was, it always had. The realization was a powerful one, and Brian knew it was something he’d carry with him for the rest of his life.

Justin snuffled softly as he drifted even closer toward sleep, and he turned again in Brian’s arms, seeming to elect the position of ‘little spoon’ for the night. As Brian tucked his body around Justin’s, he leaned close to his husband’s ear. “Please don’t ever fuck anyone else,” he murmured, not sure if Justin was even awake enough to hear him.

But in the quiet of their bedroom, the last sound Brian heard before he fell asleep was a whispered but firm, “I promise.” 

***

The next morning, Justin was already awake and sitting up in bed with his iPad when Brian stirred.

“Morning,” Brian mumbled, turning to his side so he could look at his husband. 

“Morning,” Justin echoed, leaning over to give Brian a kiss. “Sleep well?”

“Like the dead,” Brian admitted. “I wasn’t that high last night, but that vape always knocks me out by the time I finally fall asleep.” 

“Yeah, I like that one better than some of the ones we’ve had that just make you stoned. That one is a lot more pleasant, it makes your mind and body feel totally relaxed.” 

Brian smiled, remembering how Justin had practically melted into his touches the night before, and the intense intimacy of their lovemaking. “You certainly enjoyed it.”

“There’s a lot I enjoyed about last night.” Justin replied, giving Brian an impish look as he set his iPad on the nightstand so that he could give his husband his full attention. He settled back down into the covers and turned so that he and Brian were facing each other. 

“Do you know if Gus is awake?” Brian asked. 

“I checked on him right after I woke up. Looks like he did situate himself at some point during the night, because he was down to his boxers and a T-shirt, but I would be amazed if we see him any sooner than at least an hour from now. He was still out cold.” 

“Well,” Brian said, his fingertips trailing up and down Justin’s bicep, “I figured we could do brunch around noon, so if Sonny Boy wakes up around ten, that’ll give us a little time with him beforehand to have coffee and debrief on last night.” Though Brian didn’t want to be _too_ parental about the experience, especially considering he had initiated it, there were a few things he wanted to make sure his son understood moving forward.

Justin nodded. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” He shifted closer to Brian, his hand disappearing beneath the covers, stopping when it wrapped around its intended target and caused his husband to let out a tiny moan. “Whatever do you suppose we should do until then?” Justin asked, feigning innocence. 

Brian glanced down at the motion of Justin’s hand beneath the covers, then back up at his husband’s face and smirked. “Looks like you just found something that’ll keep us occupied.” 

Justin just grinned and then kissed him. 

By the time Brian and Justin made it out of their bed, then into the shower for another quick round, and finally out to the kitchen to make coffee, Gus had woken up as well. Much to Brian’s relief, he looked well-rested, and seemed like he was in a better mood than the previous day. 

Gus was sitting at the table, a rather large bowl of cereal in front of him.

“You know we’re going out to brunch, right?” Brian asked, as he started the actual coffee-making process.

“Yeah,” Gus mumbled around a mouthful of cereal. “I was hungry.”

Brian heard Justin chuckle softly beside him as he reached up into the cabinet to retrieve three mugs. They both knew Gus was a teenage boy and thus a bottomless pit who could probably eat at least a half-dozen full meals a day, but they also both knew that this morning’s earlier-than-usual bowl of cereal was likely owed to the previous night’s activities.

“How’d you sleep?” Brian asked innocently. He was fairly sure he already knew the answer, given the scene he and Justin had witnessed before they’d put Gus into bed.

Gus stuck the spoon back into the bowl of Lucky Charms he was eating, leaned back in his chair, and stretched. “I don’t think I’ve ever slept so hard in my entire life. But I feel pretty good.”

“Good.” Brian smiled and leaned against the counter as coffee started to drip into the pot behind him. “I’m glad it helped.”

“I don’t remember if I thanked you last night -- actually, I don’t remember a whole lot of details about last night at all -- but… thanks.”

Brian laughed and walked over to the table, taking the seat across from his son. “You did. And you’re welcome. I did have a couple of things I wanted to talk to you about this morning though.”

Gus raised an eyebrow and looked up at his father, a slight hint of trepidation in his eyes as he took another bite of his cereal.

Brian gave Gus an earnest look before he began speaking. “I don’t want to lecture you about drugs, because I know you’re a good kid, and you generally make decisions that are a hell of a lot more responsible than I did when I was your age--”

“Possibly more responsible than a lot of the ones he makes now,” Justin teased, earning himself a middle finger from his husband. 

“But I just want to make sure we have an understanding regarding any subsequent decisions you make without me around to supervise your usage,” Brian continued.

Fortunately, Gus appeared to be a captive audience and nodded. “Okay.”

“The most important thing I want you to understand is that not all weed is equal. The kind I gave you last night, I chose on purpose for its effects, and I monitored how much you took. Not everyone is going to have the same level of knowledge when it comes to that sort of thing and how the different strains can affect you, so if you ever decide to smoke up outside of my presence, you need to be careful, and especially consider who’s giving it to you and where they got it. You never know when you’re going to run into shit that’s laced. And edibles can be a whole other experience.”

Gus nodded again, then said, “I understand, but I really don’t think it’ll come up. I mean, it’s not really anything my friends are into, so…”

“Good,” Brian said. “But it never hurts to be educated. Consider this shit I wish someone had said to me back when I was your age and starting to experiment with things I knew nothing about.” 

“With cannabis, it’s always best to make sure it’s from a reputable dispensary, not something grown in your friend’s weird uncle’s basement,” Justin added, joining them at the table and doling out fresh cups of coffee.

“And if I hear about you experimenting with anything more hardcore than weed, I will absolutely kick your ass,” Brian finished, his tone light, but there was an unquestionable edge of seriousness in his expression. 

“I really don’t think I would,” Gus reasoned. “Mom would kill me, and it’s not like I could even try to lie about it with Ima around.” They all chuckled at that comment, knowing without a doubt that Melanie would put her cross-examination skills to the test if the situation ever called for it. 

“That’s why you should never take drugs that aren't prescribed by a physician or recommended by a reliable pharmacist,” Justin said, casting Brian a smirk that Gus couldn’t quite interpret, but it made his dad laugh anyway as he rolled his eyes and shook his head fondly.

“And you are not to breathe a word of this to your mother under any circumstances,” Brian added seriously, as he poured sugar into his mug and gave it a stir, “unless you never want to see me again.”

“Of course I want to see you again.” Gus paused and finished the last bite of his cereal, then poured the remaining milk into his mouth. “I’ve actually been thinking about coming to New York for college.”

While Brian had been hoping that Gus might like to move closer for college, hearing the words actually come out of his mouth still made Brian’s heart jump. “That’d be great,” he said, as he took a sip of his coffee, trying to play it cool. “We’d love to have you here in the city.”

Truth be told, the idea of being able to spend time with Gus whenever he wanted, without there being a few hours of air travel involved, sounded like one of the best things Brian could have wished for.

“That’d be awesome,” Justin agreed. “Maybe we can talk more about different schools and which ones you’d like to visit when we come up to Toronto for Christmas. There are a lot of choices, and a lot of great schools. But you’ve got plenty of time to decide.”

They chatted a little about Gus’ future plans as they finished their coffee, though the basic theme seemed to be that he still wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do, and that was fine -- he was young, and there was no need to make a commitment right now. Brian just hoped that Gus now saw that the same was true for relationships as well.

Once they were ready for the day, they left the apartment and headed over to Brian and Justin’s favorite brunch spot. Justin said they had the best french toast in the world, and Gus concurred, though Brian said he’d have to take their word for it, choosing to stick with his usual lower-carb fare, save for the mimosas he consumed. Gus had eyed Brian’s mimosa more than once, seemingly asking if he could try some, but Brian furtively shook his head, giving Gus a look that said, “Don’t push your luck.”

When they were nearly finished with their meal, Gus pushed the last bite of his french toast through the puddle of syrup on his plate and sighed.

“What’s up?” Brian asked, knowing that given the events of the past two days, that could be a loaded question.

“I just can’t believe it’s already Sunday. I feel like I just got here.” Gus put the last piece of his breakfast into his mouth, chewed, and swallowed before continuing. “I don’t want to go home.”

“As much as we love having you here with us, I’m not sure your mothers would be too keen on you skipping school to stay here in New York,” Justin said, grinning.

“Ugh… school… Don’t remind me,” Gus grumbled. “That means I’m gonna have to see Kasey again. I tried to avoid her last week as much as I could, but it was hard because she kept trying to talk to me and apologize. Saying she wanted to still be friends. Apparently she thinks I’m still good enough for that.” Gus snorted derisively and took a sip of his water.

“Just be honest with her,” Justin said. “Tell her how you feel. If you know there’s no chance that you’re ever going to be able to be friends with her again, tell her that.” He paused and finished the last of his mimosa. “But, things happen. Sometimes people we love do things we don’t understand, and it hurts. Sometimes it means we can’t love them anymore. Sometimes it means we just need some time to heal. But it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.”

“Should I give her another chance? Try to be friends again?” Gus asked, as if he was suddenly doubting his decision to cut off contact with Kasey completely.

“No one can answer that question but you, Sonny Boy,” Brian interjected. “You have to decide whether or not you can move forward… move past it, whatever. What Justin or I think doesn’t matter. All that matters is what you think.”

“What if I don’t know what I think?”

“Then give yourself time to figure it out,” Justin offered. “Maybe ask her for some space in the meantime.”

Gus nodded as he played with his glass, rotating it slightly between his fingers and thumb. “Yeah,” he said. “I think maybe that’s what I need.” He looked up at both of his dads and gave them a small smile. “Thanks. For everything.”

Brian paid their bill, and the three of them bundled up for the walk back to their apartment, where Gus finished packing his suitcase before Brian called for a car to take them to the airport.

They hugged in the lobby of the terminal, as had become customary for them at the end of Gus’ always-too-short visits. This time, though, Brian noticed that it felt more normal -- Gus wasn’t clinging to him like he was looking for a lifeline, and he wasn’t on the verge of tears. Maybe he was making some progress toward sorting out his feelings about what had happened with Kasey. At the very least, Brian hoped Gus was feeling better about himself, and more secure in the knowledge that what happened with Kasey wasn’t his fault at all.

As alike as he and Gus were, Brian also hoped that Gus hadn’t inherited his self-esteem issues, because a lot of them had taken a long time to work through, and several of them were still very much works in progress. But he couldn’t deny that Justin had been the key to working through most of them -- a true testament to the benefit of sharing his life with someone who loved him unconditionally, even when he did stupid things, so long as he was willing to extend Justin the same courtesy.

Their relationship hadn’t always been easy, and it took a lot of work to maintain -- being honest with each other being the number one secret ingredient. But that was probably true for all relationships. Regardless, Brian’s hope for Gus was that he’d eventually find someone who made him as happy as Justin made Brian, whenever the time was right for him.

Justin and Brian stood watching until Gus had made it through security and turned to wave goodbye to them before taking off in the direction of his gate.

“I still don’t know how you do it,” Brian said, linking his hand with Justin’s as they walked through the sliding glass doors into the chilly late-fall air.

“What’s that?”

“You always know the right thing to say and do.”

“You always tell me that, but it’s not like you do so bad yourself.”

“Thanks,” Brian said, resisting the urge to argue or look down at the ground like he was somehow undeserving of the praise. Instead, he looked at Justin and smiled.

“It’s about time you willingly accepted a compliment on your parenting skills. Although what happened last night might not have been your best parenting decision ever.” Justin gave Brian a teasing grin. “I think it worked out, though. And he’s a good kid, so I don’t think anything else is going to come of it.”

“Let’s hope not. I’d like to keep my manhood fully intact.”

Brian let go of Justin’s hand temporarily while they settled themselves in the back seat of the car, where their hands quickly found their way back to each other. They rode in a comfortable silence for a while, watching the Manhattan skyline get closer, until they were finally crossing the East River, heading toward the home they’d shared for more than ten years.

“I’m glad you came back to me,” Brian said softly, breaking the silence as he squeezed Justin’s hand.

Justin looked over at him and smiled, squeezing Brian’s hand in return. “I’m glad you let me.”


End file.
